Narcissistic abuse can be obvious, or it can be extremely subtle. Those who tend to subtly abuse someone because of their desire to feel power and control can be considered to be narcissistic. The narcissist will target those who display traits that they believe to be superior to their own. Narcissists get great satisfaction in putting down anyone who seems to have more or accomplish more. They will target those who have more positive or marketable traits than he, himself, has. This allows him to feel good about himself and in a place of superiority over his victim and others.
The narcissist will also highly target those who become aware of his schemes, denying any accusations that come his way; making the other person out to be crazy. This is considered “Gaslighting”, and I will cover this in a different post.
In my article, 27 Common Traits of Narcissism, I give examples of common traits that one may carry if he/she could be considered narcissistic. Although one does not need to portray all 27 traits to be considered narcissistic, he will more than likely display many of them. One of these traits is the need to feel as though he is in control of everyone, every situation, and every outcome.
Narcissists are very manipulative and clever. So-much-so that others may not even realize his level of manipulation until they begin to learn the truth about narcissism and the person with whom they are dealing with. In order to influence his family, peers, and/or co-workers, the narcissist will arrange meetings and situations to his favor. He will plan special events and gatherings when he knows that his target person is unavailable or unable to meet at that specific time or place. This happens in order to seclude his victim (or victims) out of his space and to only include those who will agree with and support him. He surrounds himself with those who see things the way that he does; those who work to accomplish his goals or plans in his favor, and those who allow him to feel that he is the most important person in the room because to himself he is, and he truly believes this.
The narcissist will get as many people on his side as possible in order to control outcomes and situations to always fall in his favor. He does this as subtly as he can. During this process, the narcissist will portray himself as being humble, sweet, compassionate and full of love. He knows how to play the part, and he can play it very well. However, I assure you that the only person that he truly loves is himself.
This not-so-hostile takeover allows the narcissist to acquire everything he wants as quietly and slowly as he possibly can. This may be the only time that a narcissist portrays patience of any kind. In order to do this, he will secretly build his unsuspecting army, one person at a time; taking as long as he needs to charm others to his advantage. In the process, he will continue to arrange manipulation tactics in order to put himself at the top of any organization he is a part of.
Narcissists long and love to be at the top of groups and organizations that he has deemed worthy, and he will do whatever it takes in order to befriend anyone who is considered to be in charge. His desire is to become the right-hand-man to anyone in authority, and he will work hard to convince others that he is as equally important to the organization. He will secretly manipulate and control every situation and outcome in order to get to that position of authority and to stay there.
If things suddenly do not go his way or as he planned, he will begin to play the victim-role and pretend to be emotionally wounded in order to gain compassion from his group, co-workers, or family. This allows the other members to lower their guard and begin to feel sorry for him. Chances are, the group will begin to re-think giving the narcissist exactly what he has asked for; therefore, falling trap to his manipulation tactics. In the end, the narcissist walks out of the room with everything he wants and more; all the while, abandoning his victims as they are left trying to figure out what just happened.
Those who know someone who portrays these characteristics of narcissism, need to understand that there is no immunity to his tactics and manipulation schemes. We also need to understand that anything that has taken place up to this point is not our fault. However, we do need to learn proper, healthy boundaries in order to not allow it to continue any further. Families and organizations who allow a narcissist to continue to function in this capacity cannot sustain long-term health.
Learning to set boundaries and learning to tell the narcissist no is one thing that stops him in his place. Narcissists despise being told no because they feel that they have an entitlement to anything and everything they see and want. Continuing to educate ourselves about narcissism and what it really is, allows us to recognize and stand against the many manipulation tactics that come our way.
Has this article helped you? Leave me a comment below and let me know how. I’d love to hear from you.
