Have you ever been on the sidelines of a game, just waiting for the perfect time to jump in and play along? Do you know what it’s like to sit and stare longingly onto the field while others play the game, all the while thinking that the season was going to end before you were able to show your talents and play along?
While I sit semi-patiently on the bench of life, I find myself experiencing a ray of emotions all happening at the same time. Sometimes I find that I feel lonely; feeling like I am forgotten or all alone; watching others play without me. Other times, I feel embarrassed; thinking that people are looking at me and watching me while I sit on the bench. Other times I feel nervous – knowing that I may need to jump in the game at a moments notice, and then there are times that I feel scared – what if I can’t play as well as I thought I could? As if that wasn’t exhausting and confusing enough, while all of this is going on, our enemy, Satan, is lurking along the sidelines, constantly whispering lies and confusion to me along the way – allowing me to believe all the lies and emotions that I feel.
Sometimes God says, “GO!”, and sometimes He says, “Be still…” For this year, I have been experiencing the be still of God’s wisdom, and I have to admit, It’s kinda uncomfortable and can be somewhat scary; however, I also know that it can be quite refreshing if I would learn let it. I am learning how to sit, wait, pray, watch, learn, listen, feel, respond – or not respond, and speak – or not speak. I am constantly watching others take the field, and I am watching how they play the game. I see that there are some that I want on my team and some that I may not. While I’m waiting patiently for my turn, I am able to see more than I ever thought that I could.
I am realizing that my time of being benched is not a time that I need to be doing, thinking, and feeling but a time that I need to be praying, learning and investing. Andy Stanley once said, “You’re greatest contribution to the kingdom of God may not be what you do, but who you raise.” I realize that my time on the sidelines of life is actually a gift and time that I am to be dedicating to my children in teaching them, spending endless time with them, loving them, and showing them what it’s like to love God. Even though I am on the sidelines at the moment, it doesn’t mean that God has forgotten me. He is also teaching me, spending endless time with me, loving me, and showing me how to love Him back. There are a time and season for everything, and I know that the end of this season is just around the corner. That is both, exciting and sad. I am sure that I will one day look back and wish that I was still sitting on the bench. At this moment, I will enjoy being left out of the game. I will live it to the fullest, and when God says “GO!“, I will go because I will be refreshed, ready, and prepared.
